It's supposed to feel like mush. (6 Tips when going through a major life change)

If you're in the middle of a transformation, you know there is nothing more destabilizing than going through a major life change. Especially when your work leans personal and how you know yourself defines your “niche.” If you’re in it, here are a few things I’ve done to love myself through the mush over the past few years:

01. Normalize feeling unsure

It can be so easy to look up to others who seem to have it all together. But that just emphasizes how far you are from that yourself. What made me feel safe was looking to butterflies. Reminding myself that caterpillars literally turn to unrecognizable mush and are okay with that, knowing that it’s part of the process in becoming something else.

02. Make a vision board for this day/week/month

​When you’re in the middle of a transformation, it’s impossible to have long-term goals. You don't have all the data you need to be able to plan that far. What helped me was to shorten the expectations on myself. A simple question of: “what do I feel drawn to this day/week/month?” would surface things like, going on a short trip, getting outside for walks, learning how to make an iced matcha, working on x project. I’d make those things my focus rather than: “What do I want my career to look like 5 years from now?” “Where do I want to settle down?”

03. Be vulnerable

While it’s normal to crave space while transforming, there is so much value in surrounding yourself with support (in moderation). For me this has looked like asking my partner for times in our schedule to just talk about what was on my heart, getting massages to help old stagnant energy move out of my body and talking to older women and getting their perspectives on the challenges I was facing so I had new ideas to chew on.

04. Parts of you are solid, lean on that

While it can be tempting to focus on how lost you feel and how you don’t know yourself anymore, there are parts of yourself that you are sure of. For example, while I don’t know where I want to settle down, I do know there is a part of me who comes alive in cities and a part of me that craves calm. That is solid. I have that knowing of myself. I can let that knowledge guide me forward.

05. Your purpose is who you are right now

​Something I wrote in my journal a few years ago was that ‘purpose is a moment to moment thing’, meaning – it’s always changing. Yes, there are lines of work we are destined to find and gifts we came here to serve with, but our "purpose" is to live life. Some seasons my purpose is working on a creative project, some seasons it’s being present as a daughter, some seasons it’s healing or even being confused. In the same breath, when it comes to lines of work, those change too! Whether it’s writing a book that leads to a great idea that becomes a course, or training to become a massage therapist to learn that you are a hands-on healer and offering those services. Seeing purpose as seasonal is kinder and more true.

06. Make small moves

There are times for big, drastic changes and there are times to change slowly. Times of transformation include both, but I did find that being unsure of myself meant a lot of self-doubt. Instead of making big changes I might later regret, I found smaller ways to make changes and try new things. I.e., I thought for a while I wanted to get back into social work - instead of taking a job to do that, I volunteered and realized, nope, I quit social work for a reason. Instead of buying a home and committing to a certain area, we rented different spaces for longer periods of time, maintaining freedom because I was not ready to commit. ​

In a society that values lifelong relationships and fifty year careers, it makes sense that feeling lost can impact how we see ourselves. Just because you feel like mush right now, doesn't mean you will forever. And when you do reach your next chapter of life, where everything makes sense again and you're more stable within yourself, you'll look back and be in awe of how unknowingly to you, everything was lining up. Just keep going, step-by-step.
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Xo
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Robin​

If you’re new to my work:

Hi! I'm Robin —

The diarist behind The Diary of an Empath, a lifestyle blog focused on helping creatives prioritize themselves, understand their gifts and feel confident being themselves in the world. Subscribe with email to be notified of new blog posts.