artists of all kinds have dry spells
It’s been a few years now. Years of not feeling like myself. Years of doubting my decisions and what I want to create + put out. Taking one step and then losing my sense of momentum. Having a morning of inspiration and feeling flat again by the afternoon. Writing helps, but I haven’t been doing it.
Reflections on how I got into this rut:
Feeling lack of control over my own momentum — I feel defeated when what once brought me so much passion suddenly fades. I want to change and try new things, but I feel stuck in fear that I’ll take a leap, passion will fade and I’ll be back in the same place.
Solitude — It’s the thoughts I have in quiet that become my favourite ideas. Whether it’s a word that becomes the starting place for a podcast episode or an afternoon playing in Canva that morphs into a blog post. But I haven’t had time alone. I haven’t been alone. Part of this is because I moved in with my partner. Part of this is because I’ve been consuming more of other people’s content than I have been working on my own. Part of it is the relationship patterns that developed in all of us over the past few years — a codependency that developed through the pandemic and a need to relearn how to be on our own (in body but also when it comes to our own thoughts + ideas.) I’m rarely in silence, my mind is always being stimulated.
Commitments — Committing to identities that were only a stepping stone to who I am now. Committing to a routine because it’s expected and ‘works’. The more formalized commitments, but also the unspoken, energetic ones. Like playing into the idea that it’s my role to look after a home and how committing to that mindset keeps me from my own goals. (In this case, working on my own work.)
Creating for an algorithm — Our creations are how we express ourselves. But creating for an algorithm just makes us more and more like everyone else. It’s one thing to be stretched into new mediums and need to challenge ourselves, it’s another to lose our voice to whatever content style is trending in that moment. My voice is slower, more reflective. That isn’t honoured with trending video or the constant creation cycle expected of content creators.
Forgetting what makes me happy — I started my blog to write. I was writing about things like visiting a psychic fair + health products I was trying out. I was documenting life. The mundane moments that sometimes inspired bigger thoughts. The colour pallet in the fall. Sometimes I really miss that, the focus on the moment I’m in. Writing small entries rather than trying to answer big questions.
Feeling repetitive — I get so tired of my own voice talking about the same things all the time. I have thoughts about the opposite too; that my content isn’t specific enough, that my ideas are all over the place. I’ve become more and more self-critical of what I say and whether it’s right or wrong, even though I know that the best things to say are from the heart.
Not having an end goal — These days, there are no awards I want to win, or timelines I’m excited about. I just want to do meaningful work and express myself. But not having a clear, external goal can make it difficult to know what steps to take each and every day as a creative person. A goal/vision drives you forward, and when my goal is ‘have purpose’, that doesn’t allow me to know a clear path for my next steps, welcoming in all kinds of options for what I could do and with it decision overwhelm.
What I'm going to start to do different..
Committing to small things — A lot of my ideas fall flat because I worry I won’t have the energy to follow through with them. So I’m going to start keeping smaller committments to myself. If I say I’m going to town for a coffee, I’m going to go to town for a coffee. If I say I’m going to write a post, I’m going to write a post. I won’t be doing this for the bigger things, that’s too much pressure + will happen naturally as I start being true to the smaller things.
Time alone — While writing this I got really sad about not having time alone. It was made real when my partner popped into the room to say hi, my cat was meowing for the door and my phone pinged with a reminder for something I needed to do. I love my partner’s hellos, my cat’s meow and am grateful for alerts on my phone keeping me on track, but I deserve the white space too. Small ways for me to get alone time is to:
ask that I have the house to myself a few times each week, especially in the evenings when I’m most creative
remove the tv from the living room to reclaim my space as my own, rather than a place I allow other creators into by watching their YouTube videos, etc.
just sit in silence
Creating a seasonal goal — My actions need direction, otherwise I’ll spend my days without the pressure needed to get my creativity moving forward. So I need a focus. I love the energy of a new month, so I’m going to ask myself: how do I want my November to look? And from there, what’s one thing I want to accomplish that December me will be grateful for? The key is an overarching vision and one tangible goal. Because I’ve been struggling with self-doubt, I want my goal to reflect this. What can I accomplish that will require I confront how I’ve been feeling about myself?
The reason this will help me too is because November is just November. It’s not forever. I don’t need to factor in my entire life when I decide what I want to accomplish this month, there is no need for a big picture view. Which can be liberating in itself, because reality is… no matter how much we plan our lives, they have their own will.
All in all, though frustrated, I’m grateful for my dry spell.
The word ‘spell’ reminds me of the magic of moments like this.. because without the forcing to slow down and step back, I wouldn’t be able to ensure I’m on the right path.
Xo
Robin
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Hi! I'm Robin —
The diarist behind The Diary of an Empath and creator of Empaths in Business, teaching empaths how to turn their work into a business that works, with strategy, healing and support.
