I’ll go first.
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If you’re on Instagram, or part of personal development circles, you’ve probably heard about the ‘need to show up’ and if you’ve been following my work, you’ve probably heard me speak those words as well.
Because you do.
Earth is undergoing a major shift and it is our gifts and abilities that are creating the new systems we’ll live in. Systems and ways of being that can’t be birthed if we don’t first share our authentic selves with this world.
But as motivating as ‘showing up’ and ‘the world needs what you’ve got!’ can sound, speaking up and being who we really are isn’t always easy for healers and creatives because for centuries, “being ourselves” was not safe. For centuries, being ourselves meant burnt at the stake. (Witch trials.) And though this memory is unconscious, it keeps so many of us from leaving the spiritual closet and sharing ourselves. We want to follow our path and we want to share our work with those we are here to help but we feel held back because part of us remembers the last time we did and that part has vowed to never again feel what she felt the day she was killed off.
This fear is known as the persecution wound and it’s a wound that sits in our collective bones (and more specifically, the throat chakra of us as individuals) and because I’ve had to face and re-face it with my work, I wanted to write a post outlining the signs you might carry it too. Because your work to show up might require a bit more than a few motivational quotes, and if it does, I want you to know you aren’t alone in what you’re experiencing or going through.
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When it feels too much, remember it’s your presence on
this planet that lifts us up.
When it feels too much, remember you are more than enough.
Because without you, we can’t be us.
A planet remembering love.
When it feels too much, trust.
Things have a way of working out.
When it feels too much, know you aren’t alone.
You arrived with a team of guides to help you walk this planet home.
When it feels too much, rest your heart.
Ours beat in gratitude for your willingness to not give up.
I was on Pinterest the other day and noticed a quote with my name on it circulating the platform. I didn’t recognize it and thought perhaps someone created it based on a piece of my content. Turns out, I DID make it but forgot about it because it was from one of my first posts. Seeing it threw me down a tunnel of nostalgia and remembering all the feelings I felt when I decided to take a risk on myself and start writing on this blog I now call the diary.
At the time I had just graduated from social work, excited to have the degree and to be part of such an admiral profession, but also deeply aware that being a traditional social worker wasn’t my purpose. I’ve known since I was an infant that I came here with a mission - and a 9 to 5 didn’t feel like it. In fact, a 9 to 5 felt conflicting. Limiting. And not what I was here to be doing. So on the prompting of an ex boyfriend I started writing.
And though he was wonderful in getting me started, I don’t give him all the credit.
Because getting to this point took overcoming so many limiting beliefs that were deeply programmed into my psyche. Beliefs I had to show up to fight against each and every day for the first few months of showing up for my purpose. And since I know another wave of healers and creatives are now being prompted to show up, I want to share three of the biggest myths incase you too are struggling.
If you’ve been following my journey, you know I’ve known I’ve had a purpose since I was an infant.
A mission.
Something I was here to be doing.
And I was deeply depressed until I started living it, because it is who I am, and it is why I am here on this planet.
And not living it created a void in me that nothing filled - until I started speaking.
Teaching.
Sharing the skills I’ve learned that help make being an empath a good thing.
-
Anyone who knows they are here for a reason knows that reason sits in your bones and makes you miserable.
It consumes you.
Sometimes slowly;
a slow leak;
where one day you realize you’ve been drowning.
For others, it’s more sudden.
A breakup causes a breakthrough, or something else shifts you.
And you realize you can’t keep living the way you were.
It’s live! The new diary. Filled to the brim with the feeling of the world I want to live in. It’s also two months late, and I want to talk a bit about that because it’s late because I felt safe. Having the cover-page up on this site allowed me to breathe in a way I haven’t breathed for almost two years because I knew no one was reading my story. And I wanted to stay in those waters a little while. Because it reminded me of the sacredness of sharing myself with the world. And through that, the worth of my words. Feeling free showed me just how many people I had been supporting. In many ways, I’ve felt like a bird right before he takes off. When he flaps his wings to build up a bit of momentum; when he’s building up the courage to keep going…
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Where do I start? It’s been months! Two to be exact. And then a month between posts before that.
As someone with a bio that reads ‘I write for empaths’ I haven’t been doing my job. And for the first time I’ve been okay with that because my spirit knew I needed time inside my own heart.
I needed space to figure things out.
Because this work is hard.
And when you’re making moves in front of an audience it’s really easy to turn what you do into an art. A performance. And as lovely as it is to perform, I never want to be someone who puts on a show. I’m here to be real. I get nauseous if I can’t be myself.
So I stepped back to make sure the life I was building was a life that I want.
I'm supposed to be in Glastonbury, England but I'm not.
And it feels strange to write that in one simple sentence, because the decision to forgo the trip wasn't easy at all.
It was painful.
Overwhelming -
And nearly took me out.
Because for days I couldn't decide what I was supposed to do. And even bought three flights because I kept missing them as I went back and forth.
I had signs both ways; signs on why this trip was necessary and signs on why I shouldn't go.