Finding My Way Back: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Motherhood
It’s been a year since I last wrote here, a year of navigating the changes motherhood brought and finding my way back to myself. In this post, I open up about the challenges of postpartum, the moments that felt heavy, and how I began to rediscover my joy and my voice.
When I started this post, I didn’t know what I’d type. Just that I wanted to sneak off to a cafe and write.
Life.
Because mine has changed and has been changing and I feel I am now just catching up with all the changes happening. All the changes asked of me. By me. I asked for all this; the partner, the creative city, the burning away of responsibilities no longer a fit for me, but change isn’t easy and for so much of this year life was happening quickly, and I was flowing downstream, submerged and unable to breathe. Holding on for dear life, Uranus with a chokehold on my sun sign (I’m Taurus and woah has our need for routine and consistency been put to the test by Uranus and it’s need to disrupt everything), waiting for the moment I felt fine.
Life was good, and I was in sensory overload. Getting everything I wanted and feeling like I couldn’t cope.
And I think it’s okay to admit that it’s okay to be uncomfortable, even in the midst of things working out. And I think it’s important to recognize that getting what we want involves so much change in who we are; an alchemy of our hearts and how we identify ourselves. And that no matter how incredible, life changes can be hard. And the most beautiful moments, difficult.
*This post first appeared in 2018 but has since been edited.
The past few months have been months of radical transformation.
The things I could only dream last December are manifesting. It's surreal. Eerie, really. Especially as I sit here in the library I sat in often when life felt overwhelming... and I felt defeated in my mission.
If you've taken any of my more recent workshops I've spoken openly about how the end of 2017 was difficult on me. I had a vision for who I wanted to be and big plans for what this space might be, but gave my power away to fate and forgot my duty to co-create my reality. I understood the Law of Attraction... and even wrote a book on the theories of manifestation, but theory is just theory without application.
So I crashed and burned; physically, mentally, emotionally, financially.
In a very public way.
It was embarrassing, yet common for us Healers/Feelers/Empaths/Intuitive Beings.
Because we are so driven to create freedom based lives and fulfill our purpose that we abandon conventionality and dive headfirst into service, armed only with the theory of what it takes to create a happy reality... forgetting that success requires we face reality.
It is a conscious being, which is why it has a personal chakra system and grid lines.
And when we talk plant consciousness, we are talking this energy.
A steady, familiar energy similar to a loving mother who wants to support, care for and protect YOU.
As maternal energy, Earth jumps at the opportunity to care for her beings and one way it does this is through gifts like rocks and plants and other natural offerings, which all share in her steady energy and maintain a consciousness of their own.
The biggest trap people get into when wanting to manifest an intention is to believe there is a set of 'steps' they need to be following.
Visualizing this many minutes.
Saying this many affirmations.
Etc.
Because there isn’t.
In fact, following a pre-set set of rules is the fastest way to limit your success, because the rigidity of a step-by-step blocks your inner voice; your intuition.
Though visualization and affirmation can be great tools to move energy in your favour, once you know what you want, you only need one other thing (well, two) to be successful, and that’s a deep connection to your intuition and the willingness to listen to what it is telling you you need to do.
The first intuitive to ever read my energy told me to believe in myself and everything would change. And it's true. If you believe in what society tells you you need to do to be successful, you will only ever be successful the way it allows you to. But if you remember that this is a zero limit reality and believe in yourself and your ability to CHOOSE to be successful regardless of what you do and do not do by society's standards, you can manifest a life that's honest to who you are and what you're wanting. Remembering that nothing ever changes by staying the same. And this world will not change until us changemakers change by believing ourselves to success and using our success stories as pavement for a new way of being.
When we find the law of attraction and dive into intentional living we learn we are responsible for our reality and that anything we want can be. And it's true, we are responsible for our reality, we get to choose what we want and then choose in every moment to choose to align with it by choosing a higher thought, accepting our emotions as road signs, taking inspired action and leaning into the flow. It's also true there is anon-physical world working with us behind the scenes and we are never alone, but simplifying the law of attraction to believe it's all on us is the quickest way to fail, because there is a plan so much greater than ours, something that is SO hard to remember when things feel unsteady or we're wanting something really bad. .
If you've heard about the law of attraction and the ability we all have to draw in what we desire, I can bet you've also heard about the importance of keeping your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and actions as positive as possible. While I'm all for squeezing the best out of life and feeling gratitude for this world we live in, as someone who can't help but be affected by our world I've had to think critically about what it means to keep a high vibration. Since I'm not the only sensitive person with big dreams who is using the law of attraction to intentionally create their reality, I thought I'd share some of my critical thinking with you. So let's get to it!
