At the start of my third year of university, I found myself - both literally and metaphorically - on the floor of the psychiatric wing of my local hospital. I was given multiple labels, handed a prescription for an antidepressant and after a few days sent home to rest. I respected the doctor’s expertise but there was something inside that resisted the things he claimed. Was I really mentally ill? Would a pill really help? I wasn't so sure...
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At the end of August my entire world fell apart. Not like kinda fell apart. Like, really fell apart. Everything felt uncertain and heavy - it was as if the universe was pulling all its stops to test me. Had the events of August happened three years earlier I would have probably landed back in the hospital. I would have probably been prescribed an anti-depressant. I would have probably thought there was no reason to go on - but instead I was smiling, making plans, journalling, drinking tea, thinking: this doesn't hurt the way it use to. Here are some reasons I think this might be.
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Three months ago I was going through a particularly tough time. I was unmotivated, and completely uninspired. I was sad that I wasn’t living up to who I thought I should be and that I had moved back to a hometown I swore I'd never return to. I felt lost believing I wasn't "cut out" for the job I studied six (6!) years for and afraid over the thought of needing to create a new plan; one that somehow related to my field of study because of all the years I spent studying it.
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What I'm learning is this: everything I want to accomplish in life is on the other side of fear, and staying safe means staying small. And I don't want to stay small. Which is exactly what came up during a branding call I had last night. Our chat brought me to tears (happy, grateful ones) because while the conversation was meant to be about branding, Melissa and I realized I'm not even close to thinking about branding because I still have a massive fear of being seen.
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"The Diary of an Empath" has been taking up residence in my head for over three years. But when it came time to buy the domain and commit to it, I panicked. Labels are limiting and I hesitated at the thought of creating a space that would place people in a metaphorical box. I didn't want to proclaim that I knew everything about what it means to be an empath (because I don't) or suggest there was only one way of living that was right for people with empathetic tendencies.
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If you were to ask me a year ago if I was moon sensitive (or believed the moon affected us at all) I would have laughed and said, no way. This changed when I got interested in astrology and started taking note of the moon cycles.
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